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Mark Twain > The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson > Chapter 6

The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson

Chapter 6


Swimming in Glory


Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the
undertaker will be sorry.

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed downstairs at step at a time.

                                 --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar


At breakfast in the morning, the twins' charm of manner and easy and
polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces.
All constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest
feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names
almost from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity
about them, and showed it; they responded by talking about themselves,
which pleased her greatly. It presently appeared that in their early
youth they had known poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along,
the old lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two
concerning that matter, and when she found it, she said to the blond twin,
who was now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested:

"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you
come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little?
Do you mind telling? But don't, if you do."

"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely misfortune,
and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in Italy,
and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine nobility"--
Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded,
and a fine light played in her eyes--"and when the war broke out,
my father was on the losing side and had to fly for his life.
His estates were confiscated, his personal property seized, and there
we were, in Germany, strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers.
My brother and I were ten years old, and well educated for that age,
very studious, very fond of our books, and well grounded in the German,
French, Spanish, and English languages. Also, we were marvelous musical
prodigies--if you will allow me to say it, it being only the truth.

"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon
followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have
made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had
many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride,
and they said they would starve and die first. But what they
wouldn't consent to do, we had to do without the formality of consent.
We were seized for the debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals,
and placed among the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the
liquidation money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery.
We traveled all about Germany, receiving no wages, and not even our keep.
We had to be exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread.

"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from
that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men.
Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others,
how to take care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks
and sharpers, and how to conduct our own business for our own profit and
without other people's help. We traveled everywhere--years and years--
picking up smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves
with strange sights and strange customs, accumulating an education
of a wide and varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life.
We went to Venice--to London, Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan--"

At this point Nancy, the slave woman, thrust her head in at
the door and exclaimed:

"Ole Missus, de house of plum' jam full o' people, en dey's
jes a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lemen!" She indicated the twins
with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out of sight again.

It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised
herself high satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds
before her neighbors and friends--simple folk who had hardly ever
seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any distinction or style.
Yet her feeling was moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's.
Rowena was in the clouds, she walked on air; this was to be the
greatest day, the most romantic episode in the colorless history of
that dull country town. She was to be familiarly near the source of
its glory and feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her;
the other girls could only gaze and envy, not partake.

The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners.

The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered
the open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation.
The twins took a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side,
Rowena stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began.
The widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession
and passed it on to Rowena.

"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"--handshake.

"Good morning, Brother Higgins--Count Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins"--
handshake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see ye,"
on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head
and a pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi.

"Good mornin', Roweny"--handshake.

"Good morning, Mr. Higgins--present you to Count Angelo Capello."
Handshake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye"--courteous nod,
smily "Most happy!" and Higgins passes on.

None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people,
they didn't pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person
bearing a title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to
see one now, consequently the title came upon them as a kind of
pile-driving surprise and caught them unprepared. A few tried to rise
to the emergency, and got out an awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship,"
or something of that sort, but the great majority were overwhelmed by
the unaccustomed word and its dim and awful associations with gilded
courts and stately ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only
fumbled through the handshake and passed on, speechless. Now and then,
as happens at all receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly soul
blocked the procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how the
brothers liked the village, and how long they were going to stay,
and if their family was well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped
it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be
able to say, when he got home, "I had quite a long talk with them";
but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, and so the great
affair went through to the end in a creditable and satisfactory fashion.

General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about
from group to group, talking easily and fluently and winning
approval, compelling admiration and achieving favor from all.
The widow followed their conquering march with a proud eye,
and every now and then Rowena said to herself with deep satisfaction,
"And to think they are ours--all ours!"

There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries
concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all
the time; each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners;
each recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning
of that great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it,
and understand why men in all ages had been willing to throw away
meaner happiness, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime
and supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for--
and justified.

When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor,
she went upstairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow meeting there,
for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers.
Again she was besieged by eager questioners, and again she swam in
sunset seas of glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized
with a pang that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over,
that nothing could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever
fall to her fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself,
the grand occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start,
and was a noble and memorable success. If the twins could but do some
crowning act now to climax it, something usual, something startling,
something to concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest admiration,
something in the nature of an electric surprise--

Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed
down to see. It was the twins, knocking out a classic four-handed
piece on the piano in great style. Rowena was satisfied--satisfied
down to the bottom of her heart.

The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were
astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance,
and could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever
heard before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace and
charm when compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound.
They realized that for once in their lives they were hearing masters.

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